Jesus e o seu Harém

E eis que surge a Uncyclopedia, esse site de transbordante sabedoria e perspicácia acutilante a desvendar mistérios religiosos.

"Jesus's first sex experience came from his mother who in her quest to find the biggest tool did not even think twice about her son's welfare. After this affair, Jesus became disgusted with women and "became" gay as the Christian conservatives like to say. As a matter of fact, thought, Jesus had been born gay and the experience with his mother was not the cause of his homosexuality. Jesus chose the apostles solely on their physical beauty (sempre soube que o São Pedro seria ser um belo moçoilo). Following the example of his mother, he kept these men as his own personal harem (Sim Rute, não és a única a ter um harém, Jesus também tinha o seu, só não o exibia no hi5 porque não gostava que lhe conspurcassem a vida privada).
Evidence of Jesus' homosexuality has been expunged from the current versions of the Gospels. For example, the full text of St. Mark chapter 10 (between verses 34 and 35 in the standard version of the Bible) originally contained a passage which included the following text. "And the boy, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the boy, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the boy came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body (já que não existia ainda lingerie vermelha). And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God" (daí a conhecida alusão do "OH MY GOD" na hora H). This passage shows that Jesus was not only gay, but that he liked his boys young (Aiii o maroto, o Bibi lá da zona!)".